None of us are getting any younger. In fact, many floor covering retailers are well into their back nine as the next generation is poised to take over the business or already have. But is that next generation also poised to care for their parents should the need arise?
Let’s face it: Father Time is undefeated. We all hope to age gracefully and have a “soft landing,” but sadly this is not always the case.
Against this backdrop, a few months ago I received a call from someone named Alan Rubel. He was a second-generation home décor retailer who expanded from paint and wall coverings into flooring. In fact, at one time he was an Armstrong Floor Fashion Center (remember those?). He also purchased a Color Tile shop-at-home franchise in 1993-94 before that brand went out of business.
The year that Rubel bought his Color Tile franchise he was forced to take care of his aging father at home. In other words, he became a caregiver. A little more than 10 years later, his significant other was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer. Once again, Rubel was thrust into the role of caregiver. Her treatment required him to drive three-and-a-half hours from their home in Vermont to Mass General in Boston every three weeks for 13 years.
Needless to say, the role of being a caretaker became a challenge. Rubel came to the conclusion that if he was struggling, so, too, were many other people. Rubel would start contacting other caregivers—not only people he knew but strangers as well. Those people would lead him to other people. He then asked those people to write about their experiences. Most were eager to help. The result is a 300-page book titled, “The Greatest Burden/The Greatest Blessing.” Co-written with Mark Resnick and Michael Tenaglia, it offers a compilation of 42 mini stories surrounding the trials and tribulations many people experience when a loved one suddenly can no longer take care of themselves.
Each story has its own takeaway in the area of caregiving. Even the forward, which was written by Rasheda Ali, daughter of the legendary boxer, Muhammad Ali, has a takeaway since she was her father’s caregiver. She talks about the need of reaching out and getting questions answered.
Each story offers a unique take on the caregiving experience. In one instance, two sisters that went through life with a less-than-stellar relationship learned how to love each other when one needed to be the caregiver for the other.
Another story offers the realization that people cannot help someone else without talking care of themselves. Without enough rest, sleep, eating properly, exercise, etc., burnout will eventually occur. You need to learn how to take some time off and ask for help.
Another chapter talks about the importance of knowing when professional help is needed. If someone has Alzheimer’s, for example, there comes a point where you can’t always take care of them. You may need to get professional help—whether it’s a paid caregiver or social worker for yourself. Sometimes you need to help yourself to help someone else. Organizations like Visiting Nurse Service, Home Health and Hospice, or Counsel on Aging are solid resources.
Caregiving can also be required for an addiction or compulsion. One story centers around someone with a drug addiction who was cared for by his parents. But when this disease affected the rest of the family, the next step meant letting go and allowing him to find his own way. Lesson learned: Sometimes being a caregiver can mean withdrawing the care—as hard as that might be.
Caregiving is not exclusive to older persons. It can also involve parents taking care of a child. One chapter in the book discusses Travis Roy, a 19-year-old hockey player who 11 seconds into his first game on the ice for Boston University lost his balance and fell head first into the boards after checking another player. The awkward impact left Roy a quadriplegic. A couple takeaways here: one is the need to always have the right insurance because a catastrophic injury can occur without warning. The second is that some good can sometimes come out of catastrophic events. Roy eventually launched the Travis Roy Foundation, which has helped raise $25 million for people with spinal cord injuries and for research. His autobiography, “Eleven Seconds,” was published in 1998.
Ultimately “The Greatest Burden/ The Greatest Blessing” seeks to find the blessings out of the burdens. Caregiving is often hard and painful, and it can tear people apart. But in many cases there is a silver lining. That may be the biggest blessing.
Whether it is an event caused by aging or an accident, these things can happen on a dime. A call can come at any time and upheave your life. In our industry, the Floor Covering Industry Foundation (FCIF) can help with such events. Everyone should be aware of this resource. Should you or someone in your immediate family need care, this organization can help. Visit fcif.org to learn more.
Rubel has generously offered to donate a portion of the book’s sales to the FCIF. He’s working on the specifics now. To order the book, visit caregivingguys.com
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